The Present - 1997
Chapter Five
It was not the first time he had noticed her walking down the street.
What made it noticeable was the fact she was alone; that, and it was getting late, approaching twelve o’clock; a time when everything seemed quiet and still on their street – a time when most adults were thinking about going to bed to get up in the morning to head for jobs they generally loathed.
Jacob was at his computer, at his desk by the window. The curtains had been pulled shut but were open just enough for him to look down into the street. He had his bedroom lights off, using a small desk lamp for illumination, and he imagined that was why the light visible between his curtains had probably never caught her attention, letting her know someone else was still up at this time of night. No, she never really seemed to be looking around, just moving forward with purpose, seemingly lost in whatever thoughts were intriguing or troubling her.
She looked different to Jacob. Possibly it was the time of night, or the fact she was alone. Tammy never seemed to be alone; she was always surrounded by her small group of girl friends, and they in turn always seemed to be drawing the attention of small groups of boys who had recently noticed that girls weren’t as yucky as they once thought they were. Tammy always seemed happy and full of energy, so that was probably why on occasions like this, when he saw her walking alone down their dark street, she seemed smaller and somehow sadder, not at all like the Tammy everyone knew.
Jacob returned his attention to his computer screen and Quake II, the video game he and his buddies had fallen in love with and spent far too much of their spare time playing, but his mind was no longer with the game, distracted by the solitary sight of Tammy.
He figured he knew where she was going. At the end of their street was a park with swings, a slide, and a wooden jungle gym for kids to climb all over and hopefully not break their necks on. It connected to other streets, but at this time of night, even despite the fact streetlights surrounded it on all sides, it would be very dark, and as such, very private. The streetlights could not manage to shine as far into the park as the play area, which had been built in its approximate center. During the summer months, sometimes he and his buddies would hang out there, shooting the shit until late – one of their many hangouts around town.
It might have been the bullshit his friends had been slinging at him regarding asking Tammy out that prompted him, or maybe it was just his natural curiosity finally getting to him, but before Jacob knew it, he was heading out of his bedroom and out of the door in pursuit of Tammy.
He had no idea why he was in pursuit of her, nor what he would do or say when he caught up with her, but that did not matter, he was no longer conscious of what he was doing, but instead being led by some primal instinct that was urging him on.
“Shouldn’t you be in bed?” he heard her ask him, as he made his way towards the playground area of the park.
“I could ask the same,” he replied, as he tried to focus in the darkness, picking out where she was.
Talking to Tammy was not an issue. They lived on the same street, and he had seen her and kind of known her since he’d moved to Fergus four years back. They acknowledged one another, and their group of friend’s kind of came in contact with one another from time to time through other groups of friends they both knew. They knew one another and were friendly towards one another, but that was it. Jacob knew that asking her out, letting her know he liked her in that way was changing the dynamic of their friendly relationship, and a huge step that scared the hell out of him.
“Where the hell are you?” he asked, scanning the darkness of the play area.
“Up here,” she said.
Jacob looked up towards the stop of the jungle gym, to the landing that led to the slide. There were steps leading up to it, for kids to climb and a five-by-five area at the top where they could wait to take their turn sliding down it. Tammy stood up to reveal she was there. Jacob knew it was a great place to sit in the dark, as no one walking by the park on the sidewalk would be able to see you.
“Mind if I come up?” he asked.
“You’re not going to get in trouble for being out so late?’ she asked.
“Nah,” said Jacob starting up the steps.
He knew his mother would not care; he also figured she would not even know he had left the house. Theirs was a relationship unlike any of the other parental relationships he witnessed with his friends’ parents. Whereas his buddies seemed to have parents, he had more of a roommate. His mother took care of him, working as a receptionist for one of the town’s lawyers, helping to run his small law firm (what other type would there be in Fergus?), putting food on the table and keeping a roof over his head, but not in the loving and caring way he saw other mothers do it. He knew his mother loved him, in her own way, or at least he believed she did – it was just she was different, and in the long run, he was okay with that.
Eric and Ernie always seemed to be dodging their mother, who wanted to be, at least in his opinion, too involved in their existence. She was always asking them where they were going, what they had been doing, and so on and so on. Of course, half the time they had to lie to her about what they had been up to for fear of getting in trouble. The same could be said for Stanley, Drew and Ryan; all of them had parents who seemed concerned about what their sons and daughters were up to on their own time. On the other side of that, Jacob could also see that his friends had mothers and fathers who also took time to do things with their children, to be a family, and that was something lacking in his and his mother’s relationship.
To his buddies he was a hero, or as Eric would put it, “A lucky bastard.” They had observed his and his mother’s relationship, how for the most part they stayed out of one another’s way and went about their business without hassling one another and thought he had it made. They always talked about how he could do anything he wanted and did not have to worry all that much about his mother giving him a hard time or prying into his business. He had an independence they all coveted. In some regards, it was good, but what they really did not understand, and what he could never tell them, was that at times he was jealous of them; jealous they had parents who seemed to care and wanted to be parents. Sometimes he wished his mother would pry into his life; sometimes he wished she would just be a mother.
Jacob knew his mother loved him; he had no doubt about that. He also knew she was different from other mothers – her own woman – and that was life. When he had those moments where he wished she was more like his friend’s mother, he just chalked it up to that old saying, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.”
“Aren’t your parents going to be pissed you’re out wandering around this late?” Jacob asked as he got to the platform. Tammy had sat back down; he sat across from her.
“They’re fast asleep by now,” she said, “don’t even know I left the house. They never know.”
“Oh,” said Jacob.
The two of them sat there in silence for a bit. Jacob had no idea what she was thinking about, but he was desperately trying to think of a way to have a conversation with her, without coming off like an idiot. It was not easy – he really did not know what to say.
This was his problem, especially around Tammy. He was intimidated by the fact he found her attractive, and in his mind assumed she found everyone else attractive and interesting except him. In his mind, he knew she was thinking, “What the hell is Jacob Sandler doing here wasting my time?”
“You want a smoke?” asked Tammy, reaching into her jacket and pulling a cigarette out. Jacob was impressed.
“Where’d you get that?” he asked.
“My dad’s stash,” she said. “If you only take a couple at a time, he doesn’t seem to catch on that some are going missing. So, do you want one?”
Thoughts raced through Jacob’s mind; what was he supposed to say? He really did not want a cigarette, but if he didn’t take one, would Tammy think any less of him? Would taking one and smoking it make this interaction between the two of them go a lot smoother? Would she be willing to go to the dance with him, when he eventually got the nerve to ask her, if after a couple of puffs on the cigarette, he hurdled his dinner all over the side of the jungle gym...or for better effect, down the slide? He had questions but unfortunately the world had no answers for him.
“I think I’ll pass,” he said.
“Suit yourself,” said Tammy as she reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a pack of matches. He watched as she expertly lit her cigarette. He figured he probably should have taken one.
“You ever see Mr. Simmons car?” asked Tammy out of the blue after taking a couple of puffs on the cigarette.
“His car?”
“Yeah,” she said. “He’s like six feet six or something weird like that, and he drives this little car. I saw him leaving school the other day and getting into this little thing. I swear once inside his knees were up around his chin.”
Tammy laughed. Jacob liked the sound – it was a cute little laugh that pleased him. Mr. Simmons was an English teacher and English was one of the classes they had together.
“He is pretty damn tall,” said Jacob, “and what’s with the Tic Tacs?”
“Yeah, I know, he’s always popping those things in his mouth. How many Tic Tacs can one guy eat? He has to have the freshest breath of anyone ever.”
They both laughed.
“This is good,” thought Jacob.
“I don’t mind him,” said Jacob. “That book he has us reading, The Day of the Triffids, it’s better than the stuff we’re supposed to be reading. A lot more interesting, I guess.”
“It’s not bad,” she said, “although I usually don’t go in for that science fiction stuff.”
“You read romances?” asked Jacob. He had no idea why that popped into his head and why he asked it, but he did.
Tammy laughed. “Really, just because I’m female you think I read romances, is that it,” she said. He had no idea if she was being playful in her reproach or might be annoyed with him. He was many years away from being able to understand the nuances of women when they spoke, although he suspected they would always remain a great mystery in his life no matter how old he got.
“I...I...,” he struggled to say, “...I...”
“Relax,” she said, “I’m just messin’ with you, that’s all.”
Jacob wanted to crawl into a hole and die. He had stumbled all over his words and looked like an idiot. That was no way to impress a girl, unless you were trying to impress upon her the fact you were a moron.
“What do you read?” he asked, trying to sound more confident.
“I don’t know. I like Stephen King,” she said. “Also, James Herbert, he’s pretty good. I like the horror stuff.”
Jacob felt like he had won the lottery. “She fucking likes horror,” his mind screamed, “this is too good to be true.”
“I’m thinking of reading It,” he said. “I think I’ve read everything King has put out. What’s your favorite?”
“That’s a tough one,” said Tammy. “I kinda like Salem’s Lot, although I saw that mini-series based on it, you know the one with that Starsky and Hutch guy? I think my mom was in love with him or something. Whenever it was on, a rerun, we’d have to watch it. The mini-series though was not that great. What’s your favorite book?”
“The Shining,” he said, “although much the same, I really didn’t like the movie. It was okay, and those twins were creepy as hell, but it wasn’t true to the book. The Halloran character gets killed in the movie, but not in the book.”
“Movies based on books usually suck compared to the books,” said Tammy.
“Yeah.”
“Have you read Robert R. McCammon?” she asked, “I’ve been going back and reading his books.”
“I’ve seen his books, but I haven’t read any yet,” said Jacob. As a horror aficionado, he was aware of many of the genre’s authors and had tried to spread out his reading but had not yet turned his attention McCammon’s way.
“I’m reading his vampire one, They Thirst,” said Tammy. “His vampires aren’t trying to take over a small town, but Los Angeles. Not bad, but not as good as King.”
“Who is?” asked Jacob. This was a statement he would stand behind, unless, of course, King messed up and put out a literary version of U2’s Pop album. He did not think that was possible.
“I’ve seen you coming out here a lot,” said Jacob, unsure whether he should say so or not.
“What?” she said. She did not sound pleased. Their talk had been going well; he knew he should have stayed on the book theme. At least horror writers were getting him somewhere and helping him relax a little.
“It’s not like I’m spying on you or anything like that,” said Jacob quickly – probably a little too quickly. “It’s just that late at night I’m often on my computer at a desk by my window; it looks out on the street. That’s all.”
Tammy was looking at him. Since arriving, his eyes had adjusted to the dark, and unlike when he first sat down, he could now see her clearly, including the expression on her face.
“I really don’t want to sound creepy,” he said, not knowing if she thought it was creepy or whether he had just given her the idea that it was creepy.
Jacob looked at her intently. He had no idea what he was doing. Whether Tammy picked up on his intensity or not, she went from a possibly wary look to a smile.
“It’s not creepy, I guess,” she said. She reached into her jacket and pulled out another cigarette. “My last one, for now,” she said.
“Good thing I didn’t smoke it,” he said.
Tammy lit up.
“So, is this where you come to think?” he asked, “or when you need to get away from your parents?”
“I don’t know, I guess,” she said.
Jacob could sense that if he pushed the point he was going to hit a nerve and that was the last thing he wanted to do. All the time they were talking, in the back of his mind he had been trying to convince himself that now was the perfect opportunity to ask her to the dance, if he ever planned to do so. Well, less like convince himself and more like find the inner courage to do so.
“Do you..,” he started to say.
“You’re lucky,” said Tammy, cutting him off.
“I’m lucky?”
“Yeah,” she continued. “It’s only you and your mother, right?”
“Yeah,” he said.
“You don’t have to deal with two parents.”
The conversation had taken an unexpected serious turn. “I guess,” he said.
They sat in silence for a couple of seconds. He could see she was thinking and based on the look on her face, he felt he would be best served by not saying anything.
“You want to know why I’m really out here?” she asked.
“Sure,” he said. He had no idea where this was going but knew he should allow her to take it in that direction; he just had to follow along. That and he was curious. He was not that inexperienced in talking with girls that he didn’t understand she was about to confide in him.
“My parent’s might be asleep,” she said, “I don’t really know. All I know is they spent most of the evening yelling at one another. That’s all they do these days, is argue with one another. It’s pathetic. Then they retreat to different rooms in the house, and that’s where they’ll stay for the rest of the night. Pisses me off.”
“What are they fighting about?” asked Jacob. He was not sure what he should say. He had no idea what the proper response was to her confession.
“I don’t know,” she said. “I stopped listening to the words long ago. Now all I hear is the yelling and the slamming of doors. I just, you know, need to get away from it. It’s like living in an insane asylum.”
“That’s tough,” he managed to say. He also knew that was not enough. He was out of his depth.
“I really shouldn’t be telling you this shit,” she said.
“No, no, it’s okay,” he said. He did not want her to feel bad about talking to him about something personal. He just wished he knew what the hell to say to make her feel better. While he didn’t know what, he did know one thing, now was not the time to ask her out, even if courage had finally arrived.
“What happened with your dad?” she asked.
“Well, I...,” he started to say, just before the jungle gym they were sitting on was bathed in light. They were still sitting down in it and blocked by the wooden walls that surrounded the platform, but the platform itself was suddenly bathed in light.
“What the hell,” said Jacob, as he stood up and looked towards the street.
They had been so engrossed in their talk, that neither had noticed the pick-up drive up over the curb and into the park. Jacob was looking into two high-beam headlights, and for the most part was blinded by them, but every instinct told him it was a pick-up, the same shitty, beaten up, dirty pick-up that had been following him around town. The driver must have crossed the curb and made his way across the grass, only turning on his headlights when he was close to the jungle gym.
“What the fucks going on,” said Tammy, who had stood up beside him. She had her one hand up, shielding her eyes.
Jacob did not want her to know, but the sudden presence of the pick-up truck scared him; he had no idea why it kept appearing in his life; all he knew was it could not be anything good. At the same time, he could not let Tammy know he was scared.
“I don’t know,” said Jacob.
“Is it the cops?” she asked.
“Don’t think so,” said Jacob.
“Then...,” Tammy started to say, but stopped when the sound of the pick-up truck’s driver’s door creaked as it opened. Actually, it was more than a creak – more like a scream, from beasts whose joints had long since been its friends but was now battling against it with every twist and turn it made.
Jacob did not know if it was the sound of the door opening, breaking the quiet and stillness of the night that stopped her completely, or like him, she sensed the menace this pick-up truck carried. Whatever the case, she remained quiet, just like him, as the driver slowly made his way out of the driver’s side door. He and Tammy were still blinded by the light, so they could not make out the driver, so it could be a woman, but somehow Jacob sensed it was not.
The two of them stood in silence, as the bulky figure of a man, wearing a baseball cap moved around the open driver’s side door, and moved to the front of the pick-up truck, positioning himself almost perfectly between the two headlights. Again, neither of them could make out the driver’s features, but Jacob knew he was looking up at them, his eyes boring a hole in Jacob’s face.
“What the...,” Jacob finally started to say. He did not know what to do; he felt like running, but Tammy was here; he would only embarrass himself. Knowing that, he had only one option open to him, and that was fake bravado and fake courage.
“The day of reckonin’ is comin’ boy,” said the grizzled, deep voice of the man between the headlights. The voice sounded ancient to Jacob, as if it had lived many hard fought, cursed years or decades. A chill raced up and down his spine. Tammy, who was half behind him and to his side, reached out and grabbed him, as if for reassurance. The voice had taken its toll on her as well.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Jacob blurted out. False courage was his only move. The fact they were at the top platform of the jungle gym, and the man, whoever he was, was on the ground, gave him a little more confidence and sense of security than it should have. At the same time, for the first time since moving to Fergus, he longed to see the headlights of one of the town’s police cars turn down his street, notice what was going on and break up this little scene. No such luck!
“The day of reckonin’ is coming, boy!” the man repeated in that horrible voice.
“Fuck you!” said Jacob. Along with being a playful response to a friend, the “Fuck you” response was also a go-to for anyone who had no idea what to do in a situation like this. “Leave us alone!”
Jacob was not sure, but it was possible he heard a chuckle or laugh escape the throat of the man in the baseball cap and in the beat-up, dirty pick-up truck.
“Leave you alone,” said the man, almost questioning. “Why son, don’t you know you’re sin? You’re sin, boy, and a reckonin’ is comin’. Mark my words. It’s comin’.”
Jacob did not know what to say, so he said nothing. This was partially decided by the fact that upon saying what he said, the man started moving back towards the driver’s side door of the pick-up truck. It was obvious he was leaving, which was a great relief; he was sure Tammy felt the same.
They both watched in silence as the man slowly made his way into the pick-up and watched as it started to back away. Jacob had no idea what was going on, but knew one thing, his time this evening with Tammy Books was over.